The Road Ahead

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by.”~Robert Frost
roads-diverging
This life didn’t turn out the way I intended. It seems I have been battling a war my entire adult life. The loss of my son is the most tragic example of a life with intentions not met. I will never see my son graduate high-school, wait for his beautiful bride at the end of the aisle, lovingly hold his children, or have him hold my hand as I leave this Earth (physically of course). I can’t change what has happened and that is the most difficult realization.
Every morning when I wake up a great sadness enters my thoughts as I remind myself again that it was not all a terrible dream. I get ready for my day of pretending that I am okay and that I can handle anything. I do it well as I walk into work and focus on the task at hand. Nobody knows but me that my mind is consumed with thoughts of my son. I see his face in every one I meet and I hear his voice in every song I hear. How am I doing people ask, and I reply that I am fine and doing better every day. This is a line I have taught myself to speak on command in order to keep my job and live this “life”.
I do find happiness in signs from Johnathan and his constant ethereal presence in my life keeps me going. We hold conversations in my heart where he placed himself when he left this world. He leaves me feathers in the cemetery, pennies in the treadmill at the gym, heart-shaped stones, and the color yellow decorates this world in a way I never noticed before. He speaks to me through others reminding me to be happy and that he is always with me.
Ever since Johnathan was born I had this plan that no matter what happens in life as long as I had him life held meaning and purpose. I used to say that no matter how many failed relationships I had, having my little boy with me was all that I needed because he would never leave me. Not once did the thought of him leaving before me ever enter my mind. Until it happens, a parent has no idea nor can they fathom the reality of the greatest loss ever experienced.
I had to accept that my son was no longer with me in the physical since and that I can’t bring him back to life. I had to choose the road less traveled and it was no longer optional. I had to push forward on that road even though many times I was crawling and bleeding on the path. How does one build on a future when they only live in the past? I have no answers.
The only way I know how to push ahead is to hold onto my faith in God and to let him carry me down this road when I am just about to give up. I am a warrior who uses knowledge as her weapons and love as her shield. All I have are the words in my heart and I will keep sharing them to keep my son alive.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled”…
Mother of Johnathan~Forever 4~

Five Year Moratorium on Childhood Vaccines-SIGN TODAY!

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/five-year-moratorium-childhood-vaccines

American children are in crisis with an explosion of once-rare neurological problems like autism and seizures.

Recent scientific evidence has shown massive contamination of vaccines with unsuspected chemical and biological agents. Other evidence shows dramatic differences in in health outcomes between vaccinated and un-vaccinated children. In order to remedy this we ask the White House to:

ONE: Impose a five year moratorium on all childhood vaccines from birth to age eighteen.

TWO: Repeal the 1986 National Childhood vaccine injury Act and return vaccines to the traditional civil justice system.

THREE: Perform large scale studies of vaccinated and un-vaccinated children.

FOUR: Ban direct pharmaceutical advertising to consumers and allow such advertising only to medical professionals

 

I Am Not Anti-Vaccination…BUT

If you search the internet you will find people on both sides of the vaccine debate. There are those who believe in following the strict CDC schedule of vaccinations and there are the 1% of the U.S. population who don’t vaccinate at all. I find myself teetering between the two extremes.

I would like to focus on vaccinations children receive from birth through 6 years old. This is perhaps the most delicate time of childhood development when a child is not immune to the deadly diseases that exist in this world. The premise of immunizations is that the antigen is injected into the body in order to help the body’s immune system recognize the foreign material. In a healthy immune system, the body can recognize that a foreign antibody has been let loose and the body fights off the threat.

So, what happens when a child has preexisting neurological conditions or a weakened immune system to begin with? I would like to use my son Johnathan as an example and I warn you it’s a graphic explanation. My son was born with brain anomalies which roughly translates into brain misfires. He had a sensory disorder and his brain could not fully fathom and comprehend loud noises, crowds, pain, social interaction, and other relatively normal every-day occurrences for you and I. There were times I would find my son unable to express himself verbally so he would bang his head on the floor. The only way that I could console him was to hold him tightly and tell him I love you until he calmed down. Johnathan had delays early on with fine motor skills, then speech, and most recently physical.

Children who suffer from neurological conditions like this have unique brains. Our brains have their own immune system and most of the time the cells that fight off infections to the brain remain dormant until they are under attack. In children like Johnathan these cells are not always dormant and can be active even during times of “healthiness”. The study of multiple vaccinations on children with preexisting neurological disorders is limited. Dr. Russell Blaylock has published quite a few articles on the effects of vaccinations on children through the eyes of a neurologist. You can read several of his articles within my resource page. At this point in time, children are not screened or assessed for their receptivity of multiple vaccinations within the widely followed Center for Disease Control’s Vaccination schedule.

I don’t fully blame the pediatricians because they are following the advice of their superiors, their universities, and supposed research completed by a government-funded entity backed by trillion dollar pharmaceutical companies. Doctors need to take a closer look at recognizing preexisting conditions which may impede the effectiveness of vaccinations or even cause further neurological damage or untimely death.

The few weeks before I lost my son he was seen at his pediatrician for his 4-Year wellness visit. He received the MMR, DTAP, and the flu shot simultaneously. The MMR contains three antigens for Measles, Mumps, and Rubella. These are three live antigens in one booster shot. The DTAP contains antigens diphtheria, tetanus, and whooping cough and is a dead vaccine. The flu shot is a single-shot dead antigen. After the MMR live shot was injected the antigens traveled to my son’s brain and there his brain wrestled the imposing threat. Along with the antigens, vaccinations contain additives to prolong the receptivity of the shot which the body would not normally come into contact with. These foreign substances release into the blood stream and the brain resulting in free radicals that wreak havoc throughout the body.

A few days later Johnathan developed a fever of 103 degrees. I was able to give him liquid Tylenol and cool compresses which relieved his fever. Other than his fever I didn’t notice any other signs or symptoms that were out of the ordinary. The night before Johnathan passed away he didn’t appear tired and he had tons of energy. He didn’t complain of pain and maintained a smile on his face.

He laid down on February 25, 2017 for a nap, had a grand mal seizure, and never awoke again. Upon the completion of his medical examination it was found that he had a bacterial infection within his brain and he tested positive for several fillers that vaccinations contain to increase shelf life. The examination resulted in an undetermined COD by an undetermined factor.

I am not a doctor. I am a mother with a Master’s Degree in Information Technology and I have been researching every night since my son died. I am not the type of person who will accept undetermined as an acceptable reason for my son’s passing. I refuse to let this go as I don’t want anybody else to lose their babies. Parents need to recognize the importance of single shot doses with a period of at least one month between shots. Pediatricians need to follow their instinct and not administer 7 vaccines at once because a child is on Medicaid or Child Health Plus. The bottom line is not a financial figure when it comes to the safety and lives of our children. Spread the word to everyone you know, I am not anti-vaccine…I AM FOR ONE SHOT AT A TIME.

 

**I have to make a side note to this story because I learned my son had more than seven shots, he had nine. I have his shot record in hand and I have to add 1 Polio shot and 1 Varicella shot. I am disgusted to learn it was more than I originally thought.

Our Great Loss-February 25, 2017

On this day I lost the love of my life. My son Johnathan will forever be 4-years-old. On the evening of February 25, 2017 he laid down for a nap and never awoke. He closed his eyes and I held in my arms unaware of the damage that had been going on inside him. I have created this page not only in his memory, but also to share with you the journey of Johnathan’s life. It is my hope that you will use the resources I provide to make an educated choice regarding a safe vaccination schedule for your own children.

I pray that no other families will suffer as we have from the loss of their child. This atrocity could have been prevented had I known that the CDC vaccination schedule is only recommended and does not have to be adhered to. If I had known that administering seven shots during one doctors visit could have caused this, I would not be writing this blog. Instead, I would be holding my little boy.

This is Johnathan’s Journey.

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